Not too long ago, I had a brief but poignant dream. I arrived in a frenzy to an outside yoga class where I quickly set up my mat next to my good friend Chris and her dog Tuu Weh, both spiritual mentors in their own right. I spent a moment petting Tuu Weh before I heard the instructor voice a last call for people to finish releasing what they needed to release into the water. As I was apparently arriving late and didn’t want to miss this opportunity, I quickly left my mat and my companions and walked briskly to the near by waves. As I drew closer, I fell to my knees and started army crawling in the sand until I reached the water. Then, I distinctly recall releasing distrust and discouragement into the water. With a sense of relief, I watched them recede as the next batch of waves moved in and out of the shore.
That is the last thing I remember before I woke up.
I had this dream the week that I was amidst the process of setting up this website. As such, as soon as I woke up I realized: ahh, yes, the wave is about that too… it’s about releasing that which is no longer serving you! In my case, I also instantly knew that the distrust and discouragement named in the dream had to do with some recent stressors in my marriage. My dream was a call to realign with my spirit and in doing so, to realign with trust in myself, my husband, our partnership, and the universe.
Recently, I have been seeking control in unhelpful ways. Distrust has caused me to seek security through holding expectations that things work out and people behave in the way I see fit. When I’m in fear, I try to control and manage.. to share all of the great wisdom I have and use it to tell others how they “should” live their lives. I forget that even if it works, even if people try to change to live up to my version of what is “right”, then this too will be short-lived as it will be inauthentic and forced. I forget my deeper knowing that both truth and change must come from within, not from without.
At my best, it is easy to remember all of these things. At my best, I try to practice non-attachment to outcomes, orienting to love rather than fear, making generous assumptions, staying on my own mat, and trusting the process. But, I can’t be at my best all of the time, none of us can. We all have our vulnerabilities and being tired or afraid are too of my biggest. When I am tired or afraid, I forget all of my highest knowing; I stop leading from spirit and instead lead from my humanity. Which is fine, it happens, but in my experience, if I stay there too long, life can get messy real fast.
From time to time, I too need something to wake me up and remind me of my truth. This specific time graciously entailed literally waking up from a dream. Into the wave, into the Divine, I release distrust and discouragement. From the wave, I receive strength and patience, trust and hope.
I wonder, what might it be helpful for you to release today? To receive?
What are your major vulnerabilities and what helps you realign with your highest self?